DEALING WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS (4)

Dealing with Frustration

It’s the last Monday and we look forward to October already. This month, we have talked about handling emotions, with an emphasis on dealing with negative emotions. If you have followed the other posts in the series, I have covered the following:

1. Introduction
2. Anger
3. Depression

In other posts in the future, other emotions would be talked about, but let’s talk about something new today. It’s not really new, but it’s a new one here. Having covered anger and depression, this post covers a closely related emotion: frustration.

Growing up as a kid, I thought the world existed just for me. I just needed to make a request and whatever I wanted was provided. As a baby, I cried and I didn’t have to cry for long before I had everyone scampering about, trying to find out what this king wanted and eager to give it to him.

My first steps were celebrated and so were my first words. Starting school was another part of life and I was still treated like the king I thought I was.

I do not remember the day I got my first no to a demand I made, but have gotten an incredible number of rejections at this point in my life, ranging from wishes at home to targets at work and studies among other things, I can say I have had my fair share of being frustrated.

You might not have had a childhood like mine, it might have been better or worse, but one thing is sure, only a handful of people, if there be any at all, get to the adult age of 18 without being frustrated at least once. If you happen to be a Nigerian, then your name must be written in bold in the records of the frustrated.

Before we get side-tracked and you get into thoughts about how Nigeria has done you strong things, let us clearly define frustration in the context of this post:

According to Wikipedia, in psychology, frustration is a common emotional response to opposition, related to anger, annoyance and disappointment. Frustration arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfilment of an individual's will or goal and is likely to increase when a will or goal is denied or blocked.

Oxford Dictionary defines it as the feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something.

It is often an emotional reaction to stress and can be caused by different sources

Types of Frustration

Frustration, depending on the source, might be classified as either internal or external.

1. Internal Caused Frustration

This is a frustration that is a response to your perceived or actual failure to meet your personal goals, ambitions or targets. The severity of this kind of frustration depends on how strong your personal motivation and drive for excellence are. If you are one who is highly driven towards success, a slight deviation from your target might be quite upsetting, while a less driven person would accept mediocre performance.

Putting some perspective into this, in schools, there are the A-target students who expect to perform well in their exams and it isn’t uncommon to find such a student lamenting over getting a B when the target was an A. You might even get a complaint if the A-score was 78 instead of 82.

In the same class, there is another student who is comfortable getting just a D in the same course, such a person might not even mind having to repeat the course if the result was an F.

Other possible scenarios that might elicit internal frustration include failing to meet up with a savings plan, failing to get a job, esteem and confidence issues etc.

2. External Frustration

This is a frustration that is beyond your control, it is not your fault so you actually shouldn’t feel bad about it.

They are more popular than, yet less attacked compared to the internal frustrations we face. They are also shorter-lived and dissipate as soon as the condition changes.

You don’t make it rain, you didn’t make your cab get a flat tyre which made you run late for the meeting, you weren’t the reason the club you support lost their game, and you certainly weren’t the only one who voted a certain woeful leader into office.

How Do I Know If I Am Frustrated?

Just like anger and depression, there are indicators that show or suggest that a person is frustrated, whether internally or externally. Some of the common symptoms of frustration are:

1. Anger
2. Anxiety
3. Easily irritated
4. Sudden changes in energy level, including restlessness, fatigue, or a sense of being slowed down
5. Headaches
6. Loss of sleep or trouble sleeping
7. Loss of enjoyment in your usual interests, including hobbies or spending time with friends and loved ones

How to Overcome Frustration

1. Smile

Let’s play a little game, shall we? Think of what has frustrated you to a degree lately, and try to hold the anger of that memory while smiling for ten seconds.

Did you get to ten? I didn’t. When you get angry or frustrated, your muscles tend to get stiff and rigid. Smiling loses those stiff body parts and restores the mobility you need. It also takes the frustration away.

If you want to smile but find yourself unable to, for whatever reason, try telling yourself a joke, and if it doesn’t make you laugh, then you should laugh at yourself for being unable to entertain yourself. Either way, you win!

2. Be Positive

This isn’t hogwash, frustration is a negative feeling and you can only deal with it when you deploy positive tools. You have to be intentional about changing your thought pattern first, and this will flow into what you say and do.

A lot of people who are easily frustrated are people who already are predisposed to thinking negative thoughts and this reflects negativity in their daily lives. Except what you wish for is a long, painful life, you cannot live life this way.

You must learn to think positive thoughts always, and yes, always. Let there be no space for negative thoughts or vibes at all. Think right, speak right, and act right.

3. Meditate

Meditation can be very helpful when dealing with frustration. You have to only find a quiet spot, take a good posture and meditate as you clear away the negative thoughts and feelings from your head. 

4. Exercise

Why should I exercise when I am frustrated? Well, why shouldn’t you, especially if you aren’t a fan of going to the gym often?

When positively channelled, the emotions stirred from your frustrations can create some kind of adrenal effect, enabling you to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. It is one of the healthiest ways to deal with frustration and is also profitable to your physical health. It also just happens that there are lots of exercises to choose from and you can do that depending on your mood; you could look for a punching bag and make it pay, you could lift some iron and heave the tension away, or you could take a jog or go for a run and you’ll find that instead of getting worked up in your frustrations, you would be more focused on completing the exercise sessions instead.

If you need help with your exercise and fitness programs, you can always check out the posts by Tofumi here. 

5. Get Creative

It might sound odd, but three things have been largely credited with being the motivation behind the production of some popular creative ideas in recent times. They are:

1. Hunger
2. Sorrow
3. Anger (Frustration)

People have learnt to pour their negative emotions into creative works such as songs, paintings, sculptures, and even written poems about how they felt at that time, and these works have become quite popular, even if at a local level.

You could take a cue from this and challenge yourself to do something creative whenever you are feeling frustrated. You could try out any of the already listed skills, or you could even find a new hobby such as writing a journal, gardening or even learning new dance moves.

6. Talk to Someone

A problem shared is half a problem, and depending on whom you share it with, it might end up not being a problem anymore

If you are struggling with dealing with your frustrations by yourself, it would be a fine idea to engage the listening services of someone who is close to you. It could be a friend, family, colleague at work, or maybe you even dare to go for a professional listener who could as well be a stranger.

Whatever the case, having someone to share your frustrations with can be very helpful in getting over the wrong feelings.

7. Sleep

You probably didn’t think of this, but if you get frustrated and you have a lot of time on your hands, please sleep!

Research has shown that not only does sleep benefit your physical health; but it also does wonders for your mental and emotional health. You can do a quick test right now: When last did you go to sleep at night sad and still wake up sad? I know, right.

There’s this thing that the forgetfulness of sleep does that just helps you get over whatever the frustration of the previous day was, and you can start over again, a fresh 24 hours to do great things.

Conclusion

Frustration is not a feeling that goes away forever or you completely escape from it. As long as you keep doing and trying new things, meeting new people and stepping out, you would encounter frustrating moments.

It is your duty to, despite the challenges handle it properly using the steps shown above. I'll be willing to take your questions on the series.

Till I write again, stay smart!