How to Manage Anger and Control Your Temper
It’s another Monday and we continue with our weekly series for the month. In our last Monday post, we introduced the series, Dealing with Negative Emotions and I did a broad overview by way of introduction to emotions and their classification. If you read that post, I am sure you now know the difference between negative and positive emotions and active and passive emotions.
In this post, I would talk about the first negative emotion we
would be addressing in this series. It is common to everyone, and the major
difference is how we react when we feel it. I would share with you on anger as
a feeling.
Many schools of thought have given various philosophical
ideas as to the source and cause of anger and how to deal with it, and it is
safe to say that if they were all correct, the world should be a far happier
place than it presently is. We know, however, that it is not so. Since the time
of Cain and Abel (we shall come to this later), anger has been an ever-present
feeling in humanity which has been poorly understood and even more poorly
handled.
By the time you are done reading this post, you should have
a better understanding of what anger is, how it works, and how you can best
manage it as a feeling. So, let’s talk anger, and I hope you don’t get angry at
any point in this post:
Genesis 4:3-6, 8 NIV
Whether you grew up attending church or not, this story is a
universally popular one, and it is one of the oldest records of how anger got
the better of a man, maybe even a youth or teenager, who killed his brother
over a trivial matter.
What is anger?
Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism towards something or someone.
We classified it in our last post as a negative-active
feeling and it is clearly one that must be understood and dealt with properly
Anger Statistics According to Mind Your Anger
- Almost a third of people who participated in a poll on anger management (32%) say they have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.
- More than one in ten (12%) say that they have trouble controlling their own anger.
- More than one in four people (28%) say that they worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
- One in five of people (20%) say that they have ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when they were angry.
- 64% either strongly agree or agree that people in general are getting angrier.
- Fewer than one in seven (13%) of those people who say they have trouble controlling their anger have sought help for their anger problems.
- 58% of people wouldn’t know where to seek help if they needed help with an anger problem.
- 84% strongly agree or agree that people should be encouraged to seek help if they have problems with anger.
With so much information about anger going round today, people find it easy to swing into either side of the divide; some feel it is wrong to get angry, while others feel you can't help but get angry, and when anger comes, you can't control it, you just let it out.
Let me say now that both notions are false.
First, like any other feeling, anger is a product of chemical reactions of your body to environmental occurrences that happen around you. It doesn't matter whether they're directed at you or not, the events just have to register and compare with what already exists in your mind and once there's a mental conflict, a negative feeling, such as anger, will be produced.
If you therefore say you feeling angry is wrong, it means you are suggesting a makeover of your chemical makeup and this would leave you incomplete.
Secondly, while you may not be able to stop your body from producing these chemical reactions that manifest as feelings, you can control how you react to the feeling.
Remember I said last week that feelings last for a few minutes, but moods can last for hours, and actions taken as a result of the feelings and moods can last a lifetime. This means you owe it to yourself to be careful about how you react when you have negative feelings such as feeling angry.
Anger Triggers
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Some of the things that trigger anger in people are :
- Prolonged stress periods
- Failures
- Disrespect
- Lack of tolerance
- Injustice
- Jumping to conclusions
- Personal loss
- Emotional abuse
- Neglect
- Social and financial pressure
While it is true that we all have the potential to get angry, research has shown that the tendency to respond swiftly and drastically to anger lies most dominantly in people with a choleric temperament. Cholerics have been shown by research to be the most prone to respond to angry scenarios, followed by melancholic temperament.
Check Your Anger
All emotions, including anger find a way of reflecting on the outside, even when we think we only feel it on the inside. Here's a few ways your body tells you that you might be getting angry, even if you think you don't feel that way:
- Headache
- Heavier breathing
- Tense muscles
- Feeling red, especially in the face
- Grit teeth
- Increased heart beat rate
- Speaking loudly, almost shouting
If you display all these at once, there's a high chance you're angry already, and you'll need to work on and develop anger management skills to effectively deal with your anger issues.
How to Manage Anger Effectively
This is probably the most important part of the post, and I'm glad you've followed through.
There are a number of steps you should take if you find that you are poor at managing your anger. I'd give you seven tips I am sure would help you greatly. You won't learn to apply them all overnight, it could even take years, but consistency and persistence would get you there.
1. Understand Why You Are Angry
A lot of people who get angry do not really know why they are angry, they just know they feel it and think they can thrive with it, even restoring to bullying others with their anger.
If you can understand why you are angry, you would probably find out that most times, the anger wasn't worth it.
2. Know Your Weaknesses
A lot of people get into trouble even when it is clearly labelled as such. We all have unique weak points and tend to react negatively when those sensitive points are touched.
It is therefore advisable that you know your weak spots and
avoid being tangled or caught in scenarios where your weak point could be
triggered. An example would be a person who stammers hanging around jesters; he
would likely be a victim of their jokes and if he is sensitive to that topic,
he could explode.
3. See the Bigger Picture
Most people who get angry often have a shallow or vain image
of themselves. These people think that the world revolves around them and as
such when something doesn’t please them, they think they have a legitimate
reason.
If you wish to avoid this trap as you deal with your anger
tendencies, a sure way to do this is to remind yourself that there are over
eight billion people in the world and you are just one person. No matter how
important you may be, the world would keep rotating without you
4. Practice Deep Breaths
Practising deep breaths for 15 – 20 seconds helps calm your
nerves and relieve tension.
5. Take a Walk
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If breathing doesn't calm you, leave your environment and move a bit. You could also do some form of exercise to get your mind more focused on physical energy than mental or emotional tasks at that time.
6. Grow a Funny Bone
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Nothing like a good old laugh to lighten up your mood, right?
Like water is to fire, so is laughter to anger. If you find yourself close to getting angry, think of something funny, think of a joke, a comedian, an actor, or even a song you love.
Laughter is therapeutic, it drives away anger.
7. Seek Professional Help
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My final suggestion for you is simple enough. You would have to see a professional as your case is rather unique and might require some personal investigation.
If you can afford it, by any means please get the help you need.
We've come to the end of the post, I hope you picked valuable lessons from this.
If you've got comments, let me know.
See you next week for a different topic
Stay smart!
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