IF ONLY I COULD GO BACK - PART 2

 E Shock Me!

Having read the story of Sam, we conclude with Jane and her ordeal with distraction

Jane

I’m trying to be brave as I tell my story. There are times when I toss and turn in bed, feeling hopeless, feeling like a failure, and maybe that’s what I am. Whenever I get into rants like this, people tell me to chill, that it’s not fully my fault, things happen etc. they even ask me if I know if it’s God’s will for me, really? Some God that must be; only he never told me.

I got into school at 17. I come from a humble background. My parents didn’t have much to give, but they gave me an education, and that was supposed to be enough for me. I did well in my primary and secondary school days, and I applied to study pharmacy in the university. I didn’t get pharmacy, I got something else, and decided I was going to start that course, and then apply later for my dream course.

It was the first time I was leaving the family; I had grown attached to my home, especially my younger sister, who cried a lot the day I left. I told her she would be fine and that I would return in a couple of months. I left for school and stayed with my uncle, who has been a huge benefactor to me, especially in my education. It was like I was still in secondary school, only I didn’t wear uniforms anymore, and there was no assembly before classes started.

In a matter of weeks, I settled in, got my timetable, and set a reading plan. I was still getting a grip on things like credit units and CGPA, but I was going to prepare myself as much as possible. I didn’t have friends initially, I was too laidback to meet new people. Well, lectures started and it was a joy to discover that I was still doing the same chemistry, physics, maths, and computer I did in secondary school. I was quite good at maths and physics, so they came easy for me. I had a bit of a challenge with some areas in chemistry, but I attended specially organised tutorial classes and I learnt well.

I started preparing early for the exams, promising to do well to make my family proud of me. When the exams came, I did well in my first semester, only to outperform that in the second semester. The results were compiled and I had a great result. Out of 18 courses, I got an A in 14, B in 3 and one C. My CGPA was 4.82, and I became instant news. Everyone wanted to know this quiet girl and how she was able to get the kind of result she got, especially as she was a girl.

Second year came, and suddenly there were a lot of responsibilities. I sat for, and passed a scholarship exam which further increased my reputation. A lot of people sought my attention; from tutorials, to meetings, to student politics, I was quite popular. This got into my head, though I didn’t know it yet, I felt like I was still in control. I told my uncle that I wanted to move to the school hostel so I could focus more on my studies. He reluctantly agreed, as I used to tutor his kids, but my mind was made up. I made the move, a move I regret till date.

My hostel room was like an office, it was visits upon visits. People would come for different reasons and I always found myself having to accommodate them. I didn’t really know how to say no to people, and gradually, I was finding it difficult to make out time to read. I barely noticed my roommate, I was that busy. The exams met me unprepared, and it was a bad one for me. I didn’t read for up to a month all through the session, and my 4.1 CGPA was proof enough. My level coordinator called me for a word, but I told him I was going to be fine, that I just needed to get myself together. Besides, a lot of the students I helped academically did very well, and that was good enough for me, or so I thought.

My third year was my SIWES year; that year, we only have classes for a semester and go for industrial attachment for six months in the second semester. We were taking 12 courses, and it was hell. Sadly for me, that was when I bonded with my roommate, and we really hit it off. She was a sophisticated city girl who had lived in Abuja all her life, before admission brought her to school in my state.

Sandy taught me a lot of the things I wasn’t going to find in books; about fashion, popular gossip, reality TV shows, and yeah, about men. She gave me an iPhone 8 and took care of my data needs, until I got my first boyfriend. She was older than me but in her second year, and being the person who didn’t know how to say no, her influence grew on me. I had virtually stopped reading, and I had learnt how to party. We were always smart; we never drank too much to get drunk, and we never got too close to men to go too far, we had our escape mechanism (we were interestingly always seeing our monthly visitor).

The exams came for that semester, and I knew I had performed woefully, even before the results were out. It was in the third month of my SIWES that I got the blow I had dreaded; I failed three courses, and got a C or worse in 5 others. E shock me! My world crashed around me. I almost fell sick. I wanted to break something, but what would I break? I wanted to blame somebody; Sandy, my comrades, junior colleagues, but I knew who the fault lay with, and that was me. I was weak, I didn’t have a mind of my own, and most importantly, I had forgotten my promise to my family and failed to keep it.

Right now, I’m in my final year, having to re-take three courses, and I have lost my scholarship. I am presently at home because of the strike, but I know when I return, it would be the Jane I used to be. There would be no distractions, only focus. I might not get the first class degree I had wanted, but I will do my best to finish well.

 

Well, you’ve heard Sam and Jane, and I’m sure you picked a thing or two. Someone said anyone of us could be Sam, and that’s true. So gear up, get your focus together, stay strong, and fight to the end. As always, we’re rooting for you!

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